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Our phones are us

I'm a very very busy man. Yes, I am. I'm not given to being swung around on the pendulum of societal frivolities, if you get my meaning, but there are times, out of boredom, I decide to indulge, after all mmadu kam bu. So, I enjoy eavesdropping on people's conversations, when I'm not reading, blogging or listening to music, at the airport.

I thought I should put all that BS on record before I then hasten to tell you about an interesting experience at Akanu Ibiam International (?) Airport Enugu, the previous weekend.

There was this very lady, fair of face, who was perpetually on her mobile phone, fiddling, texting or talking. Save for a notorious lady friend (name withheld), I am yet to see anyone so umbilically attached to his or her mobile device. This lady was, for goodness sakes.

Now, please note that my real issue wasn't the amount of time she spent on the obviously inexpensive device, but the woman's accent and loudness. She was either born in Mafoloku or Emene, both airport localities, which, according to Emeka's Theory (yes, my theory) increased the propensity of Igbo people to talk on top of their voices (I hope I don't get crucified on a double-cross for this).

And so this lady, in her late 50s, but she will probably claim 25 (as most fake women do), was "chouting"-as they say in Ondo-on top of her Mgbeke voice and sharing what she purported to be a secret with a friend, who must have been having a blast at the other end of the line-considering the way Ifeyinwa (that's her real name) was going on and on, garrulously.

What was the gist of her story? She apparently went to visit a guy, and the morofoko was broke. Imagine the imbecility, she pointed out, of inviting her knowing full well he was in a chronic state of impecuniosity (my construction, please, because this lady can't say it!). To add "salt to injury", Ogbonna didn't let her sleep throughout the weekend.

I could hear her "victim" (the friend at the receiving end of the story) telling her to manage the sleepless night as compensation. She didn't really value the suggestion, and as she walked further away from where I was, now suspecting I was eavesdropping on her yeye phone call, she eventually confessed to her friend: "Ogbonna bukwanu microsoft. Ike adiro ya and his ifedi pere ezigbote mpe. So, it was a total waste of time, biko." And on and on she went.

Seriously, shame leave am catch me, because I eventually stood up and moved like I was stepping up to her to shut her up. It worked. She balked and cut the call. Hehehehehehe.

I can like trouble! Jesus! I can't believe she said all those things and on top of her Mafoluku cum Emene voice!!! Some women eh...very bad gals! And very Igbotic too.
Our phones are us Our phones are us Reviewed by Emeka Oparah on Friday, November 27, 2015 Rating: 5

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