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Circumnavigation, circumlocution amongst the womenfolk


This post might put me in trouble, but who cares. It takes someone who sells crayfish to know one-eyed flies from a distance. Ighotago?

Circumnavigation. Let me explain it the bestest way I can: You want to go to Eko Hotel from Agidingbi, Ikeja. You head out to Ojota tollgate, to Shagamu, via Ijebu-Ode to Epe, then Ajah to Lekki down to Civic Centre before going through Adetokunbo Ademola to Eko Hotel. That is circumnavigation or getting to your destination via a long, unnecessary route. Ighotago?

Then, think about the last time your wife or girlfriend or wife told you a story. Chai! If you're impatient like me, you'll definitely be unpopular. Now, I want to share an experience I had several years ago in the hands of my mother. Chai!

Mom: Emmy, I saw Mr. Charles Njoku last week.

Me: Oh wow! How is he? (And I made to get up knowing the consequences of staying there)

Mom: Aha! You won't let me tell you this story now. Like father like son! You are so impatient.

Me: Mummy, but I haven't said anything. You said you saw De Tony and I asked how he was. What's impatience there?

Mom: I know you well, my son. You can never listen to a story.

Me: Ok O! Biko tell me this story.

Mom: Ok. I was actually going for morning mass that day. You know last week was Feast of St. Jude.

Me: There you go! I knew it! What has that got to do with your seeing De Tony.

Mom: Hian! May be I should let you be....

Me: Mummy, please na...can't you go straight to the point?

Mom: Emeka, when I got to Nkwogwu, I opened the car door and came out...

Me: (Cutting in) Chai! There's no way you can come out of that car without opening the door. Tell me when and where and may be how you saw Tony.
(I was actually beginning to lose it)

Mom: I came down to greet Tony. He was with his three boys. You know his first son is now in UNN.

Me: Yes, I know.

Mom: Who told you (she asked incredulously sensing I just wanted her to flow with her gist)

Me: I know he's in UNN, Mummy. Biko eh, if that's all then allow me to go now.

Mom: I'm just starting...

Me: But you said you were going to morning to Morning Mass? You abandoned it because you saw Tony and his sons?

Mom: Yeye! I didn't abandon Mass. I actually commandeered him and his children to come with me to Mass.

Me: Na waa for you O! People who were going on their own business...you forced them to come with you to Mass?

Mom: Did they come?

Me: Are you asking me?

Mom: They didn't; that's what I'm saying.

Me: Ntoor!

Mom: Anyway, he asked after you.

Me: We thank the Lord!

Mom: What does that mean?

Me: I'm thanking God he asked after me.

Mom: You no be better person, Emeka.

Me: You be better person. What you have just done now is called circumnavigation...going round and round wasting time on unnecessary details while telling a simple and short story!

Mom: You are too impatient my son. I never see. I won't tell you again.

Me: Thank you for the compliment. I believe you've already told me the main story, which is that you saw De Tony last week with his 3 sons in Nkwoguw market square. That's all!

With women, you need a leash or a kind of "spiritual compass" to help bring them back on course when they are straying from their storyline. Ighotago?

And this issue causes serious wahala in many homes. Trust me; I know.
Circumnavigation, circumlocution amongst the womenfolk Circumnavigation, circumlocution amongst the womenfolk Reviewed by Emeka Oparah on Saturday, March 05, 2016 Rating: 5

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