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How can I understand, eh?

Have you ever had the type of conversation that leaves you totally exhausted and drained and yet you can't exactly say what you discussed. Take a listen:

Peterclaver: De Emeka. Morning O!

Me: Morning Nwokem. Kedu?

Peterclaver: Dede, if it's ok, you'll be the first to know. You understand?

Me: Understand wha?

Peterclaver: I mean, shey you get, that anyhow anyhow, you'll know na. Ighotago?

Me: Chai! PC, abeg you and your stories. You haven't even said anything you are asking Ighotago?

Peterclaver: Dede, ighotara nu ije. Ground no level. Ighotago?

Me: Jesus! Can't you do without this your Ighotago?

Peterclaver: Ok, sir. I'm sorry. You know how it is na. Why I'm actually calling you is to actually let you know that by Easter, I'm actually getting married.

Me: (In my mind, I'm like "how many "actuallys" did this young man use in one sentence?") So, what I'm I actually supposed to do since you're actually telling me in January actually?

Peterclaver: (He got the joke!) Dede, Na waa for you O! You and grammar. I say make I tell you in time so you help your boy. You understand?

Me: No. I don't understand. Please explain it to me.

Peterclaver: Bros, what else but to actually give your boy moral support. Ighotago?

Me: Aghotagom! You can rest assured of my moral support. 

Peterclaver: Dede, Hian! Please make the moral support come in cash O! Ighotaranu ije....

Me: (At this point, I had gotten frustrated). Agu, if you don't go straight to the point, then I'll have to call you back O!

Peterclaver: Dede, noooooo! I need some cash. Shey you understand? Enough cash to kickstart my preparations? You get? 

Me: Ok, PC. I get it.

Seriously, I wonder why people do it. Some will even start a sentence with "you understand what I mean?" even when absolutely nothing has been said much less to understand.

We used to have a Principal in Government Secondary School, Owerri, who we nicknamed Mr. Appa. Mr. E.C. Onyeche could not make a complete sentence without adding the word "apparently" twice or thrice, at the least. For example, "Yesterday, some young men, apparently students of this great institution, who were apparently trying to sneak out of the compound to apparently attend a night party were caught by the security men. Apparently, their parents have been contacted and the apparent consequence is suspension!" Jesus! We justifiably called him Mr. Appa or Nda Appa (in Owerri dialect). His kids were Umu Nda Appa! Haba!

It's extremely lazy and annoying to be using those redundancies to occupy my time, while thinking of what to say. Specifically, anybody who's talking to you and asking you, "I think you understand what I'm saying?" Or "shey you grab?" "You understand what I mean" and other such inanities, take it from me that the person doesn't even understand what he or she is talking about. For all I know,they could be thinking as they are talking. This can actually cost someone a sales pitch or a job actually. Lol.

Peterclaver just reminded me of this flaw, character flaw, this morning. What's your experience?

How can I understand, eh? How can I understand, eh? Reviewed by Emeka Oparah on Thursday, March 03, 2016 Rating: 5

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